We won't sleep together?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I want to fling myself into the sun
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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