I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
