drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
