did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you had me at cake vodka
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
