The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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