Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
