GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
