I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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