Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
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The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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