my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
