he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am naked and annoyed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
