you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
