Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
