I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
