dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
