Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
