if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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