My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
