Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hippo gnu deer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
