while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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