Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
