so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
