I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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