seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
