Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
