My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
