all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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