Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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