Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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