I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
