I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
