i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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