don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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