You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
