Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
