Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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