Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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