Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
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Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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