It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
