i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
