She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
