a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.