Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
