So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.