There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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