What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level