Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."