Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
