So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Buhtt sex?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
