dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
