Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize