i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
