Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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