Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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