im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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