too bad you live with your parents still
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
