i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
