you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
