1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
