she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
