I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.