I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?