Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you inspire me to be a worse person
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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