no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
