and you said cock pushups were impossible
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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