dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
