I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
