I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Randomize
