Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
