can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
