I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
