My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
