You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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