Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
