'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
