He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
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