It was confusing and full of hummus
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she peed on how many people?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize