im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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