WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
