and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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